i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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