So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
