A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
