So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
