I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
