Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
