apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
