i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
