1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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