i wish starbucks made bloody marys
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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