Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
