I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
