i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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