Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
