You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
