He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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