The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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