Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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