By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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