All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
