I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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