I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
