so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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