I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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