He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
