I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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