i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Threesome in a minivan. New low
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
