Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
