Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
