But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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