All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
