In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
