If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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