i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
