I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
