I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
