Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
