I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize