Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My cat gives me a boner
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
