remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
