No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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