girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will be naked everywhere
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
