just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
