im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
