He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
