Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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