Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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