Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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