i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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