I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i barfeds in our rink
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
