thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
