How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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