just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Green mimosas i think yes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
