Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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