I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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