I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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