I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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