I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
