this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
