I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
