Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
