i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
