I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
