I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
