At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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