don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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