if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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