i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize