People in love make me want to vomit
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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