your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
