Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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