I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
