So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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