ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
