She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
this hospital has no fireball
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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