I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
